yesterday was book club & today was sushi...

170 - 171 days...

**disclaimer 835...you are like a moving train the more momentum (the more fat) you get, the train (your body) goes faster (gets fatter)...

yesterday i had book club with all kinds of good food...every time we have book club we are supposed to bring a dish to share...well i would like to share with you the recipe i brought & it was healthy (bring your chin back up to your mouth, it is not that big of a shocker)...

1...take angel food cake and tear it apart and place in the bottom of a pan or bowl

--angel food cake = 140 calories, 0 fat

2...get instant (not cook & serve) vanilla pudding and whip it up (if you use 1% or skim milk not so bad for you...& layer that on top of the angel food cake...

3...take berries whatever you prefer, i used blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, & raspberries & they are totally not bad for you at all...then becomes your next layer...

4...cool whip...i hate fat free so i get light & honestly cool whip is not terrible for you...that is your last layer...

5...now repeats Steps 1-4...and serve with a smile...

...now i am no cook, actually i wouldn't even feed what i make to my worst enemy....but it was good & a big hit...very light & refreshing...so pass it around, your friends will love you for a dessert that doesn't make them feel like a fat ass...

...& tonight i had sushi...mmmm, so so so good, i cannot even began to tell you & i am pretty sure not all of it was the best for me...but hell you only live once...

...day 170 - 171...what is wrong with me...i have to stop eating my face...

....until "stopping the train" tomorrow...

again with the no pictures & no loss...

day 169...week 25...weigh day...loss for the week - 0 lbs.; total loss -13.5 lbs...

**disclaimer 630...just keep holding on until the day is over & then go to bed early...& then give yourself a pat on the back for a successful diet done!!!!

...so we can chalk up another weigh day on the books to a big loss of ZERO pounds...maintaining positive thoughts & reminding myself that i am not growing either...i know the reason is the inconsistent dieting & i know i am the broken record that keeps playing, & playing...however i did one whole day of points last week (realizing as i am typing that there is 7 days in a freakin' week, so i am no where close to 100% participation, let alone 50%) but that is a jumping off point...i just have to be a smidgen (well a hell of lot more strict) more strict...as for today i did good...was right at or maybe 1 or 2 points over (i had a bite of a calzone & sip of pepsi, but otherwise i am golden:)

...i also tried to get some more pictures of my svelte self & again it would not work...so what does that say...but i can just tell you we got some work to do...it is getting better, my face does not appear to be as round but there are parts, that i am like, "damn did you not shrink at all"...so people even though i am not a fan, keep taking pictures, keep up the picture taking so as to keep motivating the fat chick in the picture (that would be me:)...

...week 25, 169 days...the numbers like my ass do not want to decrease (i have no idea why;)

...until "keeping the points" tomorrow...

ps...still waiting to hear from you:)

this is familiar territory...

day 166 - 168...

**disclaimer 491...make sure you are drinking enough during the day & we all know the recommended rule is 8 x 8...which is 64 oz./day...that is water not alcohol, ladies & gents;)

...first, 300 people have viewed my profile...thank God that number has reached the point of being more than my weight:)...so thanks for spreading the word and checkin' me out...you will be able to check me out even more after all the poundage is off...

a typical weekend...nothing super crazy, i was with my family & we ate of course; however my mom was really encouraging as she persuaded me to eat the last 2 strawberries...then proceeded to turn to me & say, "well now you can blog that i was helping you eat healthy instead of talking about bread & my fat ass" (she wanted to wash the plate too)...like i said before, your family has many profounds effects on you, in my case especially with my diet...& the award for the most supportive goes to my mother & her strawberries...Laura way to rock it out and support me in my diet endeavors...for your prize we shall eat ice cream (i know oxymoron (prize being ice cream for eating healthy strawberries, hmmmm), but whose to say strawberries can't go along with ice cream; if i just ate carrots for a celebration; who would want to celebrate;)

166 - 168 days...& the diet continues, strawberries & all, thanks mom...

....until "weigh day" tomorrow (did i mention that;)

i was going to post a recent picture of me, but wouldn't work, is that a sign this body is not ready for public viewing...

165 days...

**disclaimer 112...keep the negative talk to a minimum...talk yourself up, it allows for you to have a positive outlook on life & why the hell you keep dieting....

let us talk about my friend, the bread...i love, love bread...it is actually my kryponite (along with ice cream, fried food, & oreo cookies; you can have more than one, i am not superman;)...i believe if i didn't love it so so much, my ass might be a different size...however i have found bread that helps me feed my craving along with maintaining the points....a lot of name brands are coming out with them...they are sandwich thins, 1 point for all you Weight Watcher followers...it looks like a pita and tastes great...there also bagel thins, for those people who love their bagels (which i do)...by eating these i get my bread fix & not waste my points on 1 piece of bread (& then i can use those points for some cookies;)...it can actually be a whole sandwich bread/bagel...so thank you to whomever thought of this brilliant idea...

...enough bread talk...day 165...

...until "more of MY bread" tomorrow....

"here i go again, on my own"...going down the diet road again....."

day 164...

**disclaimer 826...dieting is not just about becoming skinnier; it is a change in lifestyle...so that later when the points are no more, you can still maintain & you don't blow up again to be 2 ton tess...

typical hump day & i got over the hump...points intact (i guess you can tell i didn't hang out with my brothers;)...i did however hang out with my besties & she is now watching what she eats...so it helps that when i go to her house we aren't just eating together, we are also supporting in each other in the diet cause...& i always say it is great to hear positive words & comments, it is also good to diet with friends/family...because when you want to eat that donut at kroger, & you say to your friend we will split it...she says no, you actually might put the donut down (or in my case you still eat it (hey its a sample; meant for eating), but then find out that it is gross & dry & not eat it because of the taste; serves you right for trying to sneak a bite while your friend is saying no;)...friends don't let friends eat like shit & get a fat ass...they stop you before the food even touches your mouth...

day 164... a day of friends & points...

....until "a good day" tomorrow...

it was good most of the day & then there came dinner...

day 163...

disclaimer 478...your family can be a good support system...but when you are related to mine, especially my brothers, they can be a good support to eat with;)...

...today was good, (well, started off good) i counted, & walked a bit & then came dinner...my brother called me & said you want chinese, at first i said no, & then something came over me & i agreed...then fast forward a few hours later...my other brother texted me, & said you want ice cream...with that one there was no hesitation, yes (i immediately texted back)...(because no fat kid will ever, i mean ever, turn down ice cream; even if it is that last 1/2 pound & your ass fittin in a dress, you are going to choose the ice cream)..so we walked (so that knocked some of the calories off) down to coldstone, but it was closed (that saved some more calories & even more b/c we all know the coldstone calories are out of control), so we walked to udf & i had a rootbeer float (way good)...it was good until dinner & then the fat kid came out & wanted to play...at least the whole day wasn't out of control;)

...quote of the weekend, courtesy of lauren l...."why would you eat a banana when there is chocolate chip cookies, that is just ridiculous." (can you tell why we are friends:)

...day 163...& 3/4 of the day was good (and that 1/4 of the day was b/c i was sleeping)

...until "staying away from my brothers" tomorrow (the only way i can save the diet & my ass)

...remember how i said i am back & ready to go...well that was the post for this week..

157 - 162 days...week 24...weigh day...(-1 lb.; total loss -13.5lbs.)

***disclaimer 721...when you fall, you have to pick yourself up...nobody else can lift your fat ass, so you are going to HAVE to do it yourself...:)

...wow! boy did i screw up last week in every way i could...i didn't even blog to tell you that i couldn't diet to save my life...like in order to save the boat from sinking i decided to screw the diet, eat the donut and watch the boat sink b/c my body couldn't say no to eating...it just screamed bad news for the diet...i know the hardest part of dieting is getting yourself started & what is even harder is taking a break and then coming back to it...& that is where i am at at this moment....however i do know that i am not done with this diet i am not even half way, so i know, it is actually a constant thought, that i can't stop...especially since i know the points work...

...so i started a fresh (FOR REAL) start this week...i do not have major plans that should screw up my restart of Operation N.m.F.b...i am also hoping that i will get back on track with the blogging b/c i know all 5 million of you miss me & my wonderful entries...i just have to get through this week with some hard core discipline & then it will start the ball rolling in the right direction...

...157 - 162 days of dieting here & there...i did lose a pound but if i am not careful those pounds will come back & haunt me & attach themselves to places on my body that do not need extras of anything...

...week 24...weigh day = -1lb.; total loss -13.5 lbs.

...until "the beat goes on" tomorrow...

it's that time again...

day 156...

**disclaimer 654..you will screw up; just try not to screw up the whole day...

...it is that time again, the time for me to shut up & for you to tell me how things are going...are you on diet?, do you find yourself craving cookies & cupcakes 5 out of 7 days (ohh wait, that is me;), do you have a fun healthy recipe to share (or cook for me)?, do you want to tell me something fun, hey it can't always be about food and the size of my ass...feel free to share...

156 days...and its about you...

until "back to me" tomorrow....

what i meant to say was, it starts on tuesday...

day 155...week 23...weigh day --i did not disappoint...- 0lbs.; so total loss stays -12.5lbs...

**disclaimer 764...set smaller goals, to achieve larger goals...

...well i think i have the maintaining part down...i stayed the same despite the dozen & half of lemon bars i consumed on sunday...however in saying that, i am ready to get myself going as i so gracefully pointed out yesterday (a little snafoo today; but i am golden for the rest of the week;)...i also decided that i would like to lose another 10 lbs. within the next month...i realize that is not the most ideal because it is a loss of more than 2 lbs./week & it is better to do less so the weight stays off...but if i am close to the 10 lb. loss than i will be happy & my ass will be smaller; its a win-win situation...so that is my short term goal that leads to a long term loss (i am so so clever);)...however today we had a little glitch, i went out to eat with my friend, & we all know my philosophy, "when going out to eat or a party, live it up & eat it up, you only live once, (according to fat kids r'us)"...so the points make their appearance tomorrow & hopefully so will that exercise...

...i forgot to mention, yesterday i went swimming, (i know, they outlawed whaling; but for me they made an exception & i was allowed in the pool) i wore my mom's swimsuit & i did not look god awful, which to be honest, it has been awhile since i felt relatively comfortable in a suit...i still have some here there on the ole' body to get rid of but its a start...bikini here i come, totally, totally kidding, whoa scary thought/image;)...

155 days...week 23...& the ass remains the same = 0 lbs. lost -12.5 lbs..

...until "bikini body" tomorrow...

P.S...almost 300 people have viewed my profile, way exciting, especially since the number of views is greater than my weight;)...

& tomorrow all systems a go...

days 152-154...

**disclaimer 918...desserts with fruit in them are not always bad for you, right? (at least that is what you can tell yourself as you shove 4 lemon bars in your face)

...so my diet life shall return to normalcy tomorrow...back to some counting of some points, i would also like to go back to my walking & another type of exercise (no, it is not my hand lifting food to my mouth)...it is also the infamous weigh day...so we shall see what my lack of everything has brought me too...

...however before i dive back into diet city...let us talk about what i did eat this past weekend...another party for my family; which means more of that good food...you can sort of think of it is like my last meal (well, we all know that is not true because there is a hell of lot more family & even more food that will come with them)...well they had fried chicken, (yeah, that's good for you) it was so so good...then i had some cheesy potatoes, salad (snaps for me), a half dozen lemon bars (mmm i can't tell you how much i love them)...then ohh wait my cousin, Kim made cookies (not just chocolate chip but mint chocolate chip, heath chip, dark/white chocolate chip, & M&M & i love her cookies & HAD to taste all of them, HAD TO!) & she made me a goodie bag for the ride back home (thank God they made it all the way back to T-town; so then i could eat them today, thanks Kim;)....then for today, i had steak, veggies, noodles & some cookies my sister in-law, Amira made...so it was a cookie weekend, what's a fat kid to do...it's easy, don't fight it, eat them...

152-154 days...get a cookie, eat 1, 2, 3, or 4...wait you are supposed to stop at 1, oops too late now;)

...until "definitely no cookies" tomorrow....

some times all you need is a face lift...

day 151...

**disclaimer 673...a little nip & tuck here and there & BAM!!! what do you have??...a new outfit that fits your new svelte body (geez, what did you think i was talking about)

....so i changed a little bit here and there on the blog...what do you think?; let me know & i can tweak it...just like each & everyday i tweak my body (especially to get into a pair of jeans;)...

...one main important thing that i have realized & i think we all struggle with is a positive body image...as long as you are healthy, your body image & how you view it will be determined by you, no matter the number on the scale...you will never reach happiness with your body until you except your body...i know i went on the big Operation to look 'ohh so hot' for some weddings, but also i was not happy with the grand ole' fatness that i saw in the mirror...but slowly as i lose some weight i am gaining back a positive self image...eventually it will come back fore fold (or if not then i will definitely be looking into some other options, paging Dr. Lyposuction; just kidding;)...not to say its a negative body image now, it is more of displeasing one & i am climbing the mountain (at least i am doing mental exercises;) of gaining my positive self image & it may not be perfect but it is mine & i will own it...just like at this moment i own the size of my ass...

day 151...to the positive vibes that i feel the need to spew all over this week...hell i am not counting might as well be positive...

until "more positivity" tomorrow...

today i woke up & felt skinny; what a feeling...

150 days...

**disclaimer 125...go for a walk with friends...exercising (my version is a short walk) is way better with friends...so make it happen...

...well today i had one of those morning where i felt skinny, it actually even lasted the whole day...you know what i am talking about you wake up & look at yourself in the mirror & don't have the feeling of wanting to puke at the image of yourself in the mirror, then you add some clothes & then say, wow i look pretty good in these clothes...you just have that feeling of today is not going to be a fat day...well for me that was today, & i will not hold my breath for it to carry over into tomorrow but hey, you never know, the skinny gods might shine on you 2 days in a row or hell even a week (i know i am gettin' a little crazy, but i am also a dreamer, and in my dreams i have a smokin' hot body everyday, i mean don't we all;)...however you might as well relish in the skinny moment...it also provides motivation on the days when you want to eat a donut or 2, or when you see the fat girl in the mirror and cannot believe your body has evolved to the thing you are staring at in the mirror...the sun will shine on another day & that will be the day, like today that you feel & look skinny...just hold on to it...

day 150...& damn, good skinny day...

until "another skinny day" tomorrow...

you want points; i'll give you points...

day 149...

**disclaimer 203...remember we talked about wearing black, let us revisit the thought...black pants can do wonders;)

...so today was your typical day of fat...i ate 2 cookies & finished off my chiptole...& i know i sound redundant, but often when it comes to a true fat kid, we tend to have redundancy, like eating a cookie over & over, or sitting on a chair (i.e. not exercising) over & over, forcing yourself into pants over & over...see where i am going, almost bound to happen...; however (remember fat kids tend to have an excuse because we can justify anything) i worked today doing inventory at the memorial tournament & i had to lift several boxes over & over & over...so i added in a little exercise into my life for the day (rather i was forced into exercise)...

....do you think it might be possible for ones' stomach to shrink...i think mine has or do you think it is mind thing...where your body gets used to NOT eating half the cabinet & refrigerator & keeps repeating, "hey there, fatty you don't have to eat everything on the plate." what do you think about my theory...i think that my stomach has gotten used to eating less & my brain is saying, "stop eating," instead of, "you can't not not eat that last bite of sandwich." or it could be the fact that my ass is screaming, "hey there if you don't realize & stop eating, they are going to give you a moomoo as opposed to a bridesmaid dress." hmmmmm, what do you think?

day 149...points, yeah i got nothin' (hoping to return strong next week)

...until "the brain says stop" tomorrow...

it's been awhile did you miss me??

days 145 - 148...week 22 & still fat;)...loss = 0 lbs which equals a total loss of -12.5 lbs...

**disclaimer 976...when you stop seeing progress, take a deep breath, it is ok everyone hits a rough patch, you just have to decide what to change, & that being eating 3 cookies as opposed to 5...

...weigh day...maintained the same weight as the last couple of weeks...so not a whole to report...i am hoping this is my last week that i will have blow off days...& then come next week i will be back on track...i know i say it like every week (well everyday) but i for real mean it...i am thankful that my ass has maintained its plump shape & i have not gained anything but at the same time i am not losing anything either...and i know the reason is i am not doing lots of exercise (hell i am not doing any) but i am not eating a ton but at the same time not making wise decisions & maintaining my points...i need to start the diet motor back up and trim some fat;)...so there it is i suck at life & most importantly suck a big one at the moment when it comes to my diet....

145 - 148 days....week 22...no loss but i stayed the same (can i get a hell yeah, or maybe a "wtf" danielle 3 weeks of nothin...)

...until "positive diet thoughts" tomorrow...

"i don't even feel like eating," says the bridesmaid/m.o.h.& then the crowd is speechless

143 & 144 days...

**my apologies for the lack of a blog post i am working lots of hours & was exhausted yesterday...

disclaimer 130...working and less eating i bet is a good way to maintain & possibly lose weight...

my week has been crazy & for the most part i have been very consistent during the day & then at night not so great...however in my defense (remember a fat kid can defend anything when it comes to food), i have been working an insane amount of hours (i am actually doing the heavy eye lid/head bobbing almost falling asleep as i am typing; so please excuse me for the shortness of this post as well as how blah it might actually be)...i am not eating a lot during the day & what i am eating is decent food & i am hoping that it paves the way into next week where i hope to be back full swing (yes, you can say i that, you won't hold your breath for my dieting skills)...the dinners at night are posing a small problem...been craving a lot of different foods, & like any true fat kid i am satisfying the hunger, 1st the dough balls, 2nd subway sub (veggie, snaps for that), 3rd panera's chicken & wild rice/ roast beef sandwich...not bad food, i mean the dough balls do have cheese on them so it counts for something...i think i am just too tired to think, but however not to eat;)

day 143 & 144...crazy weeks = crazy eating...

...until "keepin' it real with the diet" tomorrow...

day started off good & then ended with dough balls...is anyone a loser here?...hmmm

day 142...

disclaimer 928...the easier it will be for all of us when you realize that some times the cookie calling your name is far greater than you not eating it...

...so i was amazing today...i rocked my diet and then i met the night time & my stomach screamed, "feed me dough balls, feed me dough balls," & after i toiled back & forth for hours (or a whole of 5 minutes, who am i kidding my mind was made up even before i finished saying the words, "may i have some dough balls." & then before i knew it all the dough balls disappeared from my container, if i didn't know any better i would think that i was a magician, but then i recalled that i just happen to hoover them...what's a fat kid to do, the food often disappears when we are around, at least you won't have left overs;)...however i should get points for my efforts right?, i mean i did have an amazing day filled with fun food choices, like a banana, a turkey sandwich, and other food that was totally with in my realm of points...i just shot outside the box with the dough balls (& did i forget to mention the wings too;)...

142 days...& comin' in the home stretch & i blew it out of the freakin' fat park...

...until "a whole day of dieting" tomorrow