Just because you have to squeeze your fat ass in to a bridesmaid/maid of honor dress does not mean you get to blame me for eating cookies one damn night of the year...especially since i work my ass off making children's hearts warm and their faces shine with cheer....do you know how cold it is up here? i need the fat to keep me warm, and it doesn't hurt that mrs. claus likes a little meat on her man...what are you going to do next, blame the easter bunny for leavin' you candy in a basket...seriously, he is a poor defenseless animal...the only person you should blame is the person shoving the cake in her mouth, ohh wait that isn't me, that would be you...
...so quit f*@% complaining, run a mile, eat some salad or don't and just be happy & fat like me...either way, i never want to receive a letter from a bitter fat ass asking for money for a liposuction (cause honestly you aren't getting it anyways, i don't care how fat you are, santa is on a budget, & the children's dolls, trucks, guitars, skates, etc, are way more important than your waistline...& if you have a problem with that i will send you letters and some pictures, your tone will change fast) & especially asking me to stop eating, cause that is NEVER going to happen...
p.s...did i mention you have now moved from the fat, happy kids list to the fat, bitter, nasty list...which means not only do you get squat for christmas, but i am leavin' you the damn carrots and giving the reindeer the good shit...
Merry Freakin' Christmas!
Santa
Hahahaha SANTA DROPPED THE F BOMB!!!!
ReplyDeleteMan that's really cool that Santa responded to your letter... He never responds to mine! You must feel super special.
ReplyDeleteI love you.