did you miss my fat ass...

...well did you?...b/c it is hard to miss ;)

**disclaimer 732...Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Holy Fatness!!!

(it is that time of the year, "Santa is coming," so in honor of him; a letter to santa...)

Dear Santa,

I would like to thank you for being a fine specimen of human svelteness and an example to all of how to eat during this holiday season.

...we can chalk up beating fat, during this time of year, to you, the white guy who squeezes his fat ass down our chimneys and has a whole plate of cookies to himself, and gives the carrots to the reindeers who actually do all of the work, pullin the sleigh the whole damn night....hmmm santa, we follow your example and give the not so fun, healthy tasting food to the animals & we eat not just one cookie, but the whole damn plate...nice really nice...so you leave us great clothes, but guess what, ohh smart Fr. Christmas, we can't fit in them because we are FAT....which i realize it is a lot better if you are going to be fat, might as well have company, b/c i am the same way...however i can't afford to put the whole year back on my hips, so maybe this christmas, we watch the cookie intake, we can do it together, i know we can...

all i want for christmas, santa is a waistline, what can you do for me?...& if you could make it happen before i have to order wedding dresses that would be great...

sincerely,

the fat bridesmaid/maid of honor...

P.S...i actually love you Santa, but my therapist says i have a lot of pent up anger, & i told him it was a lot of pent up fat, so he said i should express it in words instead of eating my feelings, i wasn't ready to do that, so i apologize for taking it out on you, please do not hold it against me, especially when you are leaving me millions for my liposuction...with all my love....Merry Christmas!

STAY TUNED FOR SANTA'S RESPONSE....