day 31...
...so here we are 31 days into my 30th year...& i am feelin' pretty good, that i have made it thus far (insert thought, geez what will she think if she makes it to may, she will probably want the pulitzer)...
**side note, we are going to forgo talking about, "my fat a#" this tuesday due to the fact my diet is in epic failure mode, & i am heading off to NYC & will be eating my face off...is that to say it is over, NO...however, let us just hit pause, to be continued (now you understand why i gave myself 6 mos.;)
so at the end of chapter 1...
...i danced in my car tonight, that song, "party rock anthem," well it popped up & i was jammin', you would thought i was john travolta (circa 1977) in saturday night fever, the way i was movin' (i know you are laughing, it is a great & humorous visual, especially b/c the lower half of my body can only move so much while driving)...but it was fun & made me just smile to do it...especially as it was the end of my day (insert thought, omg, she is on something, she must be trippin' or is it friday & she is wasted)...
...i am perfectly fine (that is still up for debate), but have you ever done anything in life for the pure fun or pleasure of it, not because you planned it, most likely you will be by yourself while doing it, & it does not require a lot of effort, in all honesty should require none, you do it just b/c you can...& as you are partaking in these said events/acts a smile starts to come across your face & for that moment there is a feeling of happiness...(side note: it is not due to some substance added to your body to make you feel this way, b/c it is natural & pure & can just happen like that)..
...these moments/events/acts make life that much better, push us to the next moment b/c you never know if that next moment will be another one of these to make you feel f*&^% AHH-MAZING all over again...
...singing your lungs out (in the shower, in the car & no i can't sing); where your inhibition is throw to the wind = :)...
....dancing (letting yourself go & your body just move to the music) = :)...
...reading a kids book (or rather any book); where it takes you to a whole new place & you become that character = :)...
...riding a bike or taking a walk, (not to get anywhere) but to see where you end up = :)....
...falling asleep randomly to allow yourself to dream big = :)...
...crushing on someone (even if only for a quick second) = :)...
....writing a letter/note/card to people who make your world turn = :)...
...laughing (until your belly hurts) = :)...
...doing something that you never thought you could do = :)....
...giving someone an unexpected gift = :)
...crying because someone made your heart soar = :)
...being a kid again (whether that be through your own children, grand children, nieces & nephews or just to do again); but allowing for that innocence to captivate you = :)...
being in that moment where nothing seems to matter = :)...
...writing this blog = :)...
...& the list goes on, and the chapter continues, why hello there February, i am ready for you...
<3 SM
1.31.2012
1.30.2012
the beauty of a conversation...
day 30...
...monday, so not a fan; however i just finished a conversation that allowed a sense of peace & a smile to complete this day that i loathe so much...
...have you ever had a conversation maybe for only a brief moment, or maybe for hours & it was just what you needed...that person's voice was just what you needed to cause a smile to creep across your face...& you may have talked about the most important things, and you may even have discussed very insignificant things but it was great conversation...over the course of my 30 years on earth i have been blessed with many of these said conversations, & after each one, i always feel the same --> AHH-MAZING!
...when was the last time you had a conversation that captivated your heart, your soul, your mind where you wanted to write everything down that they said, you wanted to hold on to the moments of laughter, & record every awe-inspiring moment/thought that occurred...
...i am a talker, by nature (shocker) but most often the talk is just chatter, but after a great conversation, it always feels like i just ate the most satisfying meal, & i can now sit and relax & just be...no thoughts, no over analyzing, just be in that moment...it is such a peaceful moment, that it is almost indescribable...
...it is random, & has no sense of a path of where it will go, but it is true and honest, & it is a good talk...so my friends, talk on & do yourself a favor, have a great conversation!
<3 LP
<3 AS
...monday, so not a fan; however i just finished a conversation that allowed a sense of peace & a smile to complete this day that i loathe so much...
...have you ever had a conversation maybe for only a brief moment, or maybe for hours & it was just what you needed...that person's voice was just what you needed to cause a smile to creep across your face...& you may have talked about the most important things, and you may even have discussed very insignificant things but it was great conversation...over the course of my 30 years on earth i have been blessed with many of these said conversations, & after each one, i always feel the same --> AHH-MAZING!
...when was the last time you had a conversation that captivated your heart, your soul, your mind where you wanted to write everything down that they said, you wanted to hold on to the moments of laughter, & record every awe-inspiring moment/thought that occurred...
...i am a talker, by nature (shocker) but most often the talk is just chatter, but after a great conversation, it always feels like i just ate the most satisfying meal, & i can now sit and relax & just be...no thoughts, no over analyzing, just be in that moment...it is such a peaceful moment, that it is almost indescribable...
...it is random, & has no sense of a path of where it will go, but it is true and honest, & it is a good talk...so my friends, talk on & do yourself a favor, have a great conversation!
<3 LP
<3 AS
1.29.2012
as george michael explained so well...
...you got to have faith, faith, faith...
day 29...
i was going to have a little discussion on forgiveness but then the spirit threw something at my face...which is see below (the link), & please feel free to read, i love discussions on faith or rather just people's points of view on faith, in fact, i think (insert thought -- there she goes with her thoughts again, will someone please stop her, please) that in order for faith to be strong a discussion & exploration is not just desired but required...faith, like life, is not a spectator sport, in order for you to be good, if not great, one must practice & compete in some great events...other words without the crazy analogies, you got to work FAITH out...that is what God intended we; however, some times forget...
ok so here is the post from a friend in regard to faith, the inspiration behind my post today (hey, even the great ones were inspired once in awhile, i think i fall into the same category)
http://ohflynn.blogspot.com/2012/01/faith.html
...up until about 3 - 5 years ago, faith was so easy to me it actually was like a huge boulder nothing could move it & it would not break...i just knew God was there, He was taking care of everything, was life perfect, no; but what was; He had a plan & i was moving through it with him by my side...the world could throw anything at me & my faith, God would take me through it...
...then just like anything i was thrown threw a loop, a dear friend's sister got sick, not just had a virus, she was diagnosed with cancer...i remember thinking she was so young...how could this happen, they were good people...what the hell, it would be ok, she would have some surgery, do some treatment, everyone would pray & do what they need to do, and she could/would survive...but her body was tired and the cancer was aggressive and she is now smiling down on her family & friends...my rock of faith was beginning to weaken...<3
...another blow to the old faith, my best friend's mom was diagnosed with cancer & they would remove the tumor, give her chemo & she seemed on the road to recovery...but the tumors kept coming back and she was in pain, & my prayers (my friend's prayers) were not being answered...& the day you pick up the phone & hear your best friend on the other end, crying saying she is no longer, a piece of your heart disappears & another bit of faith is lost...<3
...a third (well there were others, but this took the cake) major blow to my faith, a very very close family friend (more like a family member, another brother to me) was given the diagnosis of cancer as well, i could not believe, so young, so healthy, so AHH-MAZING and he was sick...a match was needed to be found, and people who knew him & those that he didn't stepped up...& they found a match, and then needed another, and it took, only for the cancer to come haunting back, so another transplant & all seemed well but something happened & huge part of my heart shattered into a million pieces & my faith had taken a major blow & i was not sure if it would come back..<3
...i didn't understand why this was happening to such awesome people, and why my friends & family who were just as amazing had to be put through this, how could God do this, why would He do this, & just as my cousin/friend told me, "everything we were taught was being proven wrong, we were taught to pray for those that were sick & all would be fine..." & now everything faith stood for was gone...
...(you are now maybe thinking, where the hell is this going b/c this is not helping with the faith)...so there i was waiting for the next person, or next bad event to happen, living as if God was going to keep pulling the rug out on me & the people i love...so...what next??...well fortunately for us, God puts people in our lives that we need so that we when we can't hear him, they are His voice...& fortunately for me, He put so so many people in my life, that pushed me back towards Him...
...a friend looked at me, & said, "do you honestly believe that God wants people to suffer & make people sick, and wants them to die...no, He is just as pissed that they suffered, that you are now hurting & suffering..." i never thought about it like that, & now i look back and think, i was seeing him so wrong & vengeful, it wasn't why do bad things happen to good people, it is they happen, bad happenings have no boundaries & it completely and utterly sucks, and do i understand it, NO...but i know that God shares in the hurt, in the anger, in the sadness, in the tears just as i do...
...another friend told me, "yes i am so sad that i do not get to have them with me any more, but I was blessed with them for (X) amount of time & what a gift that was...if i can't thank God for their life and the impact that they had on me, than what was their life for...i am a better me b/c i knew them..." & i am a much better person b/c i knew these people (& their families)...
...then there is the saying which my mom says all the time, "everything happens for a reason," & we may not know or ever quite understand that reason but there is one, i believe it, definitely don't get it all the time but i believe it...
...also a priest once gave an sermons/eulogy for a girl that passed away in our church, she was still in college & it was a very tragic accident, & God forgive me, but usually this priest stands up to talk my ears shut off; so when he stood up, i remember thinking, ohh here we go...well he gave one of the best sermons i have ever heard, this girl loved service to others, loved her family, loved the outdoors, just a good person...yet her life was cut so short, well, as he so compared it to, a young man a very long time ago that had many of these same qualities that also died at a very young age, that man was Christ...they, just like we did not have enough time with this girl, but while she was with us she did some amazing things, Christ like things, so if anything we remember her being like Christ...WOW, what a comparison, she lived her life (probably unaware) like Christ, & i know those other people just like Christ were taken way too young but they left their mark just like Christ...
...so the question now (i am almost finished, just keep reading)...where am i now with faith, is it back to being a boulder, NOPE...in fact, there are days when i think i might not find it, but i know its there...how do i know b/c those are the days when God sends a little reminder to me that i can't miss (basically, He is screaming at me), i know its there b/c what else is going to pick me up and carry me to the next moment, what else is telling me that this isn't it, that i will survive & life will get better...
& then there are days when i think my faith can move a mountain...
faith isn't & shouldn't be easy...it causes a huge mess & makes no sense most of the time...it is like a roller coaster...scary, thrilling, nauseating, not sure what will happen at the next turn, exciting, but if you get on, it can be one hell of a ride & guess what, you are never alone, there is a seat right next to you, you just have to let Him go with you...
day 29...
i was going to have a little discussion on forgiveness but then the spirit threw something at my face...which is see below (the link), & please feel free to read, i love discussions on faith or rather just people's points of view on faith, in fact, i think (insert thought -- there she goes with her thoughts again, will someone please stop her, please) that in order for faith to be strong a discussion & exploration is not just desired but required...faith, like life, is not a spectator sport, in order for you to be good, if not great, one must practice & compete in some great events...other words without the crazy analogies, you got to work FAITH out...that is what God intended we; however, some times forget...
ok so here is the post from a friend in regard to faith, the inspiration behind my post today (hey, even the great ones were inspired once in awhile, i think i fall into the same category)
http://ohflynn.blogspot.com/2012/01/faith.html
FAITH...why yes, i think i will take a go at it...
my 30 year (& counting) journey of faith...
"we live by faith, not by sight," (2 Co. 5:7) that not by seeing but through faith tomorrow will be brighter...
...up until about 3 - 5 years ago, faith was so easy to me it actually was like a huge boulder nothing could move it & it would not break...i just knew God was there, He was taking care of everything, was life perfect, no; but what was; He had a plan & i was moving through it with him by my side...the world could throw anything at me & my faith, God would take me through it...
...then just like anything i was thrown threw a loop, a dear friend's sister got sick, not just had a virus, she was diagnosed with cancer...i remember thinking she was so young...how could this happen, they were good people...what the hell, it would be ok, she would have some surgery, do some treatment, everyone would pray & do what they need to do, and she could/would survive...but her body was tired and the cancer was aggressive and she is now smiling down on her family & friends...my rock of faith was beginning to weaken...<3
...another blow to the old faith, my best friend's mom was diagnosed with cancer & they would remove the tumor, give her chemo & she seemed on the road to recovery...but the tumors kept coming back and she was in pain, & my prayers (my friend's prayers) were not being answered...& the day you pick up the phone & hear your best friend on the other end, crying saying she is no longer, a piece of your heart disappears & another bit of faith is lost...<3
...a third (well there were others, but this took the cake) major blow to my faith, a very very close family friend (more like a family member, another brother to me) was given the diagnosis of cancer as well, i could not believe, so young, so healthy, so AHH-MAZING and he was sick...a match was needed to be found, and people who knew him & those that he didn't stepped up...& they found a match, and then needed another, and it took, only for the cancer to come haunting back, so another transplant & all seemed well but something happened & huge part of my heart shattered into a million pieces & my faith had taken a major blow & i was not sure if it would come back..<3
...i didn't understand why this was happening to such awesome people, and why my friends & family who were just as amazing had to be put through this, how could God do this, why would He do this, & just as my cousin/friend told me, "everything we were taught was being proven wrong, we were taught to pray for those that were sick & all would be fine..." & now everything faith stood for was gone...
...(you are now maybe thinking, where the hell is this going b/c this is not helping with the faith)...so there i was waiting for the next person, or next bad event to happen, living as if God was going to keep pulling the rug out on me & the people i love...so...what next??...well fortunately for us, God puts people in our lives that we need so that we when we can't hear him, they are His voice...& fortunately for me, He put so so many people in my life, that pushed me back towards Him...
...a friend looked at me, & said, "do you honestly believe that God wants people to suffer & make people sick, and wants them to die...no, He is just as pissed that they suffered, that you are now hurting & suffering..." i never thought about it like that, & now i look back and think, i was seeing him so wrong & vengeful, it wasn't why do bad things happen to good people, it is they happen, bad happenings have no boundaries & it completely and utterly sucks, and do i understand it, NO...but i know that God shares in the hurt, in the anger, in the sadness, in the tears just as i do...
...another friend told me, "yes i am so sad that i do not get to have them with me any more, but I was blessed with them for (X) amount of time & what a gift that was...if i can't thank God for their life and the impact that they had on me, than what was their life for...i am a better me b/c i knew them..." & i am a much better person b/c i knew these people (& their families)...
...then there is the saying which my mom says all the time, "everything happens for a reason," & we may not know or ever quite understand that reason but there is one, i believe it, definitely don't get it all the time but i believe it...
...also a priest once gave an sermons/eulogy for a girl that passed away in our church, she was still in college & it was a very tragic accident, & God forgive me, but usually this priest stands up to talk my ears shut off; so when he stood up, i remember thinking, ohh here we go...well he gave one of the best sermons i have ever heard, this girl loved service to others, loved her family, loved the outdoors, just a good person...yet her life was cut so short, well, as he so compared it to, a young man a very long time ago that had many of these same qualities that also died at a very young age, that man was Christ...they, just like we did not have enough time with this girl, but while she was with us she did some amazing things, Christ like things, so if anything we remember her being like Christ...WOW, what a comparison, she lived her life (probably unaware) like Christ, & i know those other people just like Christ were taken way too young but they left their mark just like Christ...
...so the question now (i am almost finished, just keep reading)...where am i now with faith, is it back to being a boulder, NOPE...in fact, there are days when i think i might not find it, but i know its there...how do i know b/c those are the days when God sends a little reminder to me that i can't miss (basically, He is screaming at me), i know its there b/c what else is going to pick me up and carry me to the next moment, what else is telling me that this isn't it, that i will survive & life will get better...
& then there are days when i think my faith can move a mountain...
faith isn't & shouldn't be easy...it causes a huge mess & makes no sense most of the time...it is like a roller coaster...scary, thrilling, nauseating, not sure what will happen at the next turn, exciting, but if you get on, it can be one hell of a ride & guess what, you are never alone, there is a seat right next to you, you just have to let Him go with you...
*faith, i love b/c God gave it to us to be whatever we choose it to be, it is not something that has directions, & in fact it is different for all people...
faith is faith & you determine how you define it & how you use it...
faith is faith & you determine how you define it & how you use it...
"now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (heb. 11:1)
<3 JC
1.28.2012
men & women...
can we really be friends, or is it a complete & utter myth...
day 28...
(side note: the stylist did wonders, i am now half as scary as i was:)
...if you have ever seen the movie, "when harry met sally" there is the a debate throughout the whole movie in regard to if men & women can actually be friends, or does sex get in the way...
well the long & short of it is they go back & forth (dating, not dating, friends, not friends), only to find out that they truly do love each other, so whether their friendship grew into a full blown relationship or the fact that they realized that the only way they could possibly work is if they were together as best friends & soul mates...so harry & sally have solved the conundrum that has been lingering for years, not quite sure about that..& its hollywood, they have to make the ending good, that is why we keep going back for more (or hence the reason we pay $10.00 to see those happy endings)...
i am impartial to this thought, actually leaning more towards the not being able to be true blue friends (30 years rather more so the last 10-12 yrs. of experience is where this is comin' from)...part of me would like to believe that is possible...not to say that we can't be friends, i am just talking like true, know your business friends...like those of the same sex can be with each other...
...does physical attraction get in the way? are we incapable (well men more than women) of not being able to be just good friends?...
some say that in order for a true male/female relationship to work, it must go through all the stages & the two to come out on the other end in one piece...something like this happens --> girl likes boy, boy wants to be friends, boy likes girl, girl just wants to be friends, then they both like each other & then realize they are better off being friends...if they survive through all the mess than maybe they can end up being "just good friends"...
truthfully i don't think guys (maybe i am bias, not quite sure why i would be) can handle it (there are exceptions to this rule, but i use it as my general rule of thumb), either they want the girl, they start dating another girl & then push that girl (friend) out of their life completely b/c they cannot handle the balance or for some reason they think the girl can't handle being just friends & that they might lead us on and hurt us (the leading on/hurting only comes when you don't draw the friendship line & be truthful)...
shall i say more, or am i completely an utterly right, we can be surface friends (the few exceptions where it is more than that) but as far as true friends it is just not possible...
well how off base am i? am i making any sense? come on let me hear your thoughts (it always can't be about me blabbing, well it can but not tonight/today i want to hear your thoughts of thethousands ten that read what i put out there:)
<3 DH
sorry for my lameness, the last 2 days, i have no idea what is goin' on, writer/blogger block...
day 28...
(side note: the stylist did wonders, i am now half as scary as i was:)
...if you have ever seen the movie, "when harry met sally" there is the a debate throughout the whole movie in regard to if men & women can actually be friends, or does sex get in the way...
well the long & short of it is they go back & forth (dating, not dating, friends, not friends), only to find out that they truly do love each other, so whether their friendship grew into a full blown relationship or the fact that they realized that the only way they could possibly work is if they were together as best friends & soul mates...so harry & sally have solved the conundrum that has been lingering for years, not quite sure about that..& its hollywood, they have to make the ending good, that is why we keep going back for more (or hence the reason we pay $10.00 to see those happy endings)...
i am impartial to this thought, actually leaning more towards the not being able to be true blue friends (30 years rather more so the last 10-12 yrs. of experience is where this is comin' from)...part of me would like to believe that is possible...not to say that we can't be friends, i am just talking like true, know your business friends...like those of the same sex can be with each other...
...does physical attraction get in the way? are we incapable (well men more than women) of not being able to be just good friends?...
some say that in order for a true male/female relationship to work, it must go through all the stages & the two to come out on the other end in one piece...something like this happens --> girl likes boy, boy wants to be friends, boy likes girl, girl just wants to be friends, then they both like each other & then realize they are better off being friends...if they survive through all the mess than maybe they can end up being "just good friends"...
truthfully i don't think guys (maybe i am bias, not quite sure why i would be) can handle it (there are exceptions to this rule, but i use it as my general rule of thumb), either they want the girl, they start dating another girl & then push that girl (friend) out of their life completely b/c they cannot handle the balance or for some reason they think the girl can't handle being just friends & that they might lead us on and hurt us (the leading on/hurting only comes when you don't draw the friendship line & be truthful)...
shall i say more, or am i completely an utterly right, we can be surface friends (the few exceptions where it is more than that) but as far as true friends it is just not possible...
well how off base am i? am i making any sense? come on let me hear your thoughts (it always can't be about me blabbing, well it can but not tonight/today i want to hear your thoughts of the
<3 DH
sorry for my lameness, the last 2 days, i have no idea what is goin' on, writer/blogger block...
1.27.2012
"quite literally," becoming old...
day 27...
...scene --> wake up this morning in a rush b/c of course i pushed snooze (which is not a surprise b/c i always push snooze & sleep five more minutes)...way too many times & now i am running late, and i needed to pack and meet my cousin for breakfast (who i am always late to (hello arab time) but this morning i couldn't be late because she needed to be some where, so i am running around like an idiot & end up leaving my apartment without finishing packing (ohh, and half dressed)...as i am running past my closet (which has full length mirror on the door, thank you landlord) i catch a glimpse of myself...which causes me to stop dead in my tracks, & think, "holy s*&% what the hell happened to me, thank God i live alone, so no one has to see me," (yes, i posted that on facebook, it was funny (well i thought it was) & i wanted to share)...i stop for another second to take another look (did i mention i was late for mycousin breakfast --can we say fat kid)...but have no time to deal with what i am staring at that is causing quite a scare...
yes i went out in public, do i need to say it again, BREAKFAST, nothing will stop me, so breakfast (check), then i run downtown to drop something off at work, & yes i still look like a hot mess, i was hoping to fly under the radar, but of course NOT, i had to talk to a million people (well not a million but way more than my face was ready to see)...work task (check)...then i go back home, i have just enough time to change my clothes, finish packing & quite literally not still deal with myself...
get into the car...hair a little scary, & then my face is whole other issue...ohh, i forgot to mention (which does negate the old statement) i have a zit on my chin the size oftexas russia including siberia...so as i am driving, i decide to take on the first task, my hair...a side sweep to the side, i am pinning, and braiding, & then my mouth gasps (severe thought piercing through my brain -- WTF is that?) as i am staring not at one but a bunch of gray hairs, so what does any girl do, she calls her stylist...dial the number & tell the stylist i have grays and need a dye job, she laughs at me that would be b/c it is my mother, and calmly says, "we will deal with it when you arrive" (sure there laura, i can remain calm when my head is changing colors)...
so as i finish my hair, tryin' to hide the gray b/c i cannot pull them all out, i move to my face & look to see my eyes & the ten pounds of luggage that have permanently fixed themselves to under my eyes...i go to work...and finish not too much longer (hey, i know i am no make up artist)...i gaze at my finish product & think well at least it is a step up from what i was lookin' at 7:00 am...
i arrive at my destination, do a quick check & think this is it, it is time to unleash the beast...& think as soon this over, my a*$ and my stylist best be goin' to get the dye to eliminate my grays & turn back time...
...so enjoy while your hair is still the color that you were born with, enjoy while the bags under your eyes seize to exist...enjoy being able to wake up & not to have to put 10 hours in your prep time...
love,
your "quite literally" almost 30 year old (ohh so not bitter about the aging process) friend...
<3 TZ
...scene --> wake up this morning in a rush b/c of course i pushed snooze (which is not a surprise b/c i always push snooze & sleep five more minutes)...way too many times & now i am running late, and i needed to pack and meet my cousin for breakfast (who i am always late to (hello arab time) but this morning i couldn't be late because she needed to be some where, so i am running around like an idiot & end up leaving my apartment without finishing packing (ohh, and half dressed)...as i am running past my closet (which has full length mirror on the door, thank you landlord) i catch a glimpse of myself...which causes me to stop dead in my tracks, & think, "holy s*&% what the hell happened to me, thank God i live alone, so no one has to see me," (yes, i posted that on facebook, it was funny (well i thought it was) & i wanted to share)...i stop for another second to take another look (did i mention i was late for my
yes i went out in public, do i need to say it again, BREAKFAST, nothing will stop me, so breakfast (check), then i run downtown to drop something off at work, & yes i still look like a hot mess, i was hoping to fly under the radar, but of course NOT, i had to talk to a million people (well not a million but way more than my face was ready to see)...work task (check)...then i go back home, i have just enough time to change my clothes, finish packing & quite literally not still deal with myself...
get into the car...hair a little scary, & then my face is whole other issue...ohh, i forgot to mention (which does negate the old statement) i have a zit on my chin the size of
so as i finish my hair, tryin' to hide the gray b/c i cannot pull them all out, i move to my face & look to see my eyes & the ten pounds of luggage that have permanently fixed themselves to under my eyes...i go to work...and finish not too much longer (hey, i know i am no make up artist)...i gaze at my finish product & think well at least it is a step up from what i was lookin' at 7:00 am...
i arrive at my destination, do a quick check & think this is it, it is time to unleash the beast...& think as soon this over, my a*$ and my stylist best be goin' to get the dye to eliminate my grays & turn back time...
...so enjoy while your hair is still the color that you were born with, enjoy while the bags under your eyes seize to exist...enjoy being able to wake up & not to have to put 10 hours in your prep time...
love,
your "quite literally" almost 30 year old (ohh so not bitter about the aging process) friend...
<3 TZ
1.26.2012
checkin in...you still there?
day 26...
what better day to check in than some random day & not the last day of the month; well if you are me it is a great day...
so let us recap for a minute...or rather shall i give a quick news update of the many days of 30...
what better day to check in than some random day & not the last day of the month; well if you are me it is a great day...
so let us recap for a minute...or rather shall i give a quick news update of the many days of 30...
- the card project -- 15 people, soon to be 16 people that i have sent cards to...i know i am still catchin up; have you written a card yet, even if it is just that one...
- i am still a fat kid (a proud fat kid:)....i.e. 30 to 30, not going so well but i am not giving up hope, so you shouldn't either...
- if this was a conversation that was a huge pause so i could check my goals for this year of 30, the memory is going...or i am having selective memory....blogging everyday (check)
- wine, not there yet, & black coffee i think i am getting closer, especially if it is my favorite, illy
- i have 15 people that are following me (no i did not pay them, yes some of them (well most) are related to me) so new goal, maybe at least get 30 people to follow this hot mess before i turn 30...we shall see (yes that was a subtle suggestion to tell a friend or two to follow it, hell they don't have to torture themselves & actually read it; just click follow)
- letting go, i am getting there, (circa blog post 1.25.2012, yes; yesterday's) just using different techniques, remember i am at least trying transparency on for awhile (or until it pulverizes me, so kidding, you should totally try it)
- i have reminisced about my college years
- talked about my sister (& how she ROCKS my world;)
- revealed some valuable lessons
- talked/blogged some more...
- ....& yet you still read on...so this is the point is where i say THANK YOU, whomever you are, a friend, a relative, a stranger, for taking a minute (insert thought...what then hell is she talking about, minute my a*#, more like 20) to indulge in my journey to 30 thus far...not always the brightest crayon in the box, or the funniest, or even that interesting but yet you humor me (insert thought...how the hell does she know, well the people that let people like me blog give us stats so i know &...) i am much obliged to you :)...
...end of recap; lesson learned keep reading it can only get better (we can only hope); besides you never know what i might say, & the one day you actually decide not to read i could say something crazy (insert thought...been there, done that, this whole thing speaks mounds of craziness) or i could give a shout out to you or give something away (highly unlikely) but one never knows what i am capable of with my mac, topics flying freely, & me in the driver seat...just sayin'
READ ON...
<3 AP
1.25.2012
seeing through me...
day 25...
(cena-- i am bringing on the deepness, but it is hump day, so a little thought to get you over the hump:)
so on this hump day a little lite reading material...or rather thought provoking to carry you over the hump...
~at work every other wednesday we have manager meetings (i know, right major snooze fest, "if you looked up fun in the dictionary that would be it," ummm not so much)...however these meetings are not about numbers (which ps me & numbers = not friends, so thank God, b/c everyone in the whole room would be spending the 2 hrs reconfiguring what i did;), stats, or status reports, i consider it the other aspect of being a manager, the part that not everyone wants to deal with or rather the part that is almost abstract as a manager, the characteristics of becoming great managers/leaders (no matter where we go)...so i acutally enjoy them (i am not saying that, due to the fact that my boss could see this; i actually do), i love people and love learning from people, & these are some great people so i get to hear first hand & take something i may not know or take on a new perspective, these meetings are a place to grow, learn from your peers, learn from people who have experience, a place to be in a very raw (not veggie raw, but out there raw) state...ok the point (insert thought, if she gets any further from these topics we are going to be in BFE)
...so the president of the company poses these questions, some times we sit around & discuss items or issues (i like these b/c then i don't have to talk, i know shocker, had a horrible experience when i was in high school, explain another time) or there are times we have to get up & actually give our connection to the topic most often business related but some times it can be personal...well a few meetings back he stood in front of us & started talking about this idea of transparency...to pose questions or requests of people & be completely transparent, not to hurt or criticize but to talk out issues/problems & maintain our professional relationships and be completely and utterly honest with each other & he wanted us to point out specific people we need things from (yes, everyone in the room started in their shifting seats just as you are now), this is f'n awkward, i have to call someone out & ask why somethin' is not getting done (yes, the thought crossed my mind is there anyway i can get out of this meeting, where is the fire alarm)...now remember its not personal, & shouldn't be (like "your shirt is ugly, i can't look at you when we are in a meeting"), its a way to say, "hey, remember that issue we were supposed to discuss, i have yet to hear, yada, yada"...get the point, be transparent, be honest & see what you get, maybe they forgot, maybe they didn't see it that way, maybe they are now aware, maybe they respect you now more than ever, b/c you said something (longest introduction ever to a blog topic, apparently i am good at writing novels lately, i guess i have a lot to say; first indication, a blog of 365 days of me babbling;)
well i am anything but transparent outside my family (to them i am invisible; they can see right through me, thank God they are my family b/c they are stuck with me & love me for me) & super duper (yes that is a category) close friends (they are the ones that know me the best & despite my craziness, still love me & will actually call me out), i am not about sharing lots of personal s^%$ about me or my family; let alone what i think or feel, or what my perspective is compared to yours...its a trust thing (remember the post, circa Jan. 18, 2012) & a vulnerability thing (kate let the analyzation begin)...
well probably outside those two categories b/c i wanted to maintain a friendship to the truest degree, i decided to take transparency out for a spin (kate would we call that a break through); now don't get excited this transparency is not something i am throwing out there for everyone, i definitely haven't come that far; but i realized (not just over night) that in order for this relationship/friendship to work i needed to be completely/utterly transparent & honest NO MATTER the outcome...it was a me thing...nothing else...
so are you asking why? (well you should be & besides i am goin' tell you, grab some vodka it will help with the next paragraph or the next 340 posts;)...it was not like it was a fake but an abridged friendship, i would hold my tongue, talk in half sentences, not speak complete thoughts (insert thought, wait she does that all the time, there is a difference), only say so much for a fear of losing what we have...& a past experience taught me that by not being transparent/honest i could lose friends, a regret i have (& i don't regret anything, but losing people you have come to appreciate is one, i digress, another blog another day) which i am slowly understanding the lessons from...maybe that was the purpose for that one, but this time i was at least going to put myself out there in the rawest form (you know the feeling, like when you get a super deep cut & its exposed and the slightest bump or touch makes it burn for like hours & could even last days), so out there that person could take what you have put out there & put in a food processor not to just chop you up but pulverize you (yippee for transparency), basically not an easy thing for a person to do, especially when that person takes an uber long time to trust people...
...now you want to know what happened, right? or at least why the hell am i telling you all this to not give the juicy details and the outcome of being so transparent...well, unlike so many other times, my mouth shuts here...b/c its not about the details of who, or what i said, or even the outcome but the idea that i became transparent & said what i wanted, what i felt & allowed someone, who i could have lost (ps -- if you are thinking, "listen sister, if they don't like what you have to say than screw'em," that is an easier statement to say when you don't want that person/or you are not ready for that person to not be there & you don't value a friendship...told you it was a thought provoking hump day) TO SEE THROUGH ME (& it felt f*&(^$ awesome)!
<3 DK
(cena-- i am bringing on the deepness, but it is hump day, so a little thought to get you over the hump:)
so on this hump day a little lite reading material...or rather thought provoking to carry you over the hump...
~at work every other wednesday we have manager meetings (i know, right major snooze fest, "if you looked up fun in the dictionary that would be it," ummm not so much)...however these meetings are not about numbers (which ps me & numbers = not friends, so thank God, b/c everyone in the whole room would be spending the 2 hrs reconfiguring what i did;), stats, or status reports, i consider it the other aspect of being a manager, the part that not everyone wants to deal with or rather the part that is almost abstract as a manager, the characteristics of becoming great managers/leaders (no matter where we go)...so i acutally enjoy them (i am not saying that, due to the fact that my boss could see this; i actually do), i love people and love learning from people, & these are some great people so i get to hear first hand & take something i may not know or take on a new perspective, these meetings are a place to grow, learn from your peers, learn from people who have experience, a place to be in a very raw (not veggie raw, but out there raw) state...ok the point (insert thought, if she gets any further from these topics we are going to be in BFE)
...so the president of the company poses these questions, some times we sit around & discuss items or issues (i like these b/c then i don't have to talk, i know shocker, had a horrible experience when i was in high school, explain another time) or there are times we have to get up & actually give our connection to the topic most often business related but some times it can be personal...well a few meetings back he stood in front of us & started talking about this idea of transparency...to pose questions or requests of people & be completely transparent, not to hurt or criticize but to talk out issues/problems & maintain our professional relationships and be completely and utterly honest with each other & he wanted us to point out specific people we need things from (yes, everyone in the room started in their shifting seats just as you are now), this is f'n awkward, i have to call someone out & ask why somethin' is not getting done (yes, the thought crossed my mind is there anyway i can get out of this meeting, where is the fire alarm)...now remember its not personal, & shouldn't be (like "your shirt is ugly, i can't look at you when we are in a meeting"), its a way to say, "hey, remember that issue we were supposed to discuss, i have yet to hear, yada, yada"...get the point, be transparent, be honest & see what you get, maybe they forgot, maybe they didn't see it that way, maybe they are now aware, maybe they respect you now more than ever, b/c you said something (longest introduction ever to a blog topic, apparently i am good at writing novels lately, i guess i have a lot to say; first indication, a blog of 365 days of me babbling;
well i am anything but transparent outside my family (to them i am invisible; they can see right through me, thank God they are my family b/c they are stuck with me & love me for me) & super duper (yes that is a category) close friends (they are the ones that know me the best & despite my craziness, still love me & will actually call me out), i am not about sharing lots of personal s^%$ about me or my family; let alone what i think or feel, or what my perspective is compared to yours...its a trust thing (remember the post, circa Jan. 18, 2012) & a vulnerability thing (kate let the analyzation begin)...
well probably outside those two categories b/c i wanted to maintain a friendship to the truest degree, i decided to take transparency out for a spin (kate would we call that a break through); now don't get excited this transparency is not something i am throwing out there for everyone, i definitely haven't come that far; but i realized (not just over night) that in order for this relationship/friendship to work i needed to be completely/utterly transparent & honest NO MATTER the outcome...it was a me thing...nothing else...
so are you asking why? (well you should be & besides i am goin' tell you, grab some vodka it will help with the next paragraph or the next 340 posts;)...it was not like it was a fake but an abridged friendship, i would hold my tongue, talk in half sentences, not speak complete thoughts (insert thought, wait she does that all the time, there is a difference), only say so much for a fear of losing what we have...& a past experience taught me that by not being transparent/honest i could lose friends, a regret i have (& i don't regret anything, but losing people you have come to appreciate is one, i digress, another blog another day) which i am slowly understanding the lessons from...maybe that was the purpose for that one, but this time i was at least going to put myself out there in the rawest form (you know the feeling, like when you get a super deep cut & its exposed and the slightest bump or touch makes it burn for like hours & could even last days), so out there that person could take what you have put out there & put in a food processor not to just chop you up but pulverize you (yippee for transparency), basically not an easy thing for a person to do, especially when that person takes an uber long time to trust people...
...now you want to know what happened, right? or at least why the hell am i telling you all this to not give the juicy details and the outcome of being so transparent...well, unlike so many other times, my mouth shuts here...b/c its not about the details of who, or what i said, or even the outcome but the idea that i became transparent & said what i wanted, what i felt & allowed someone, who i could have lost (ps -- if you are thinking, "listen sister, if they don't like what you have to say than screw'em," that is an easier statement to say when you don't want that person/or you are not ready for that person to not be there & you don't value a friendship...told you it was a thought provoking hump day) TO SEE THROUGH ME (& it felt f*&(^$ awesome)!
<3 DK
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