not just a year to turn a decade but...

the year of discovery, watch out...

as i go along this year i am hoping that i continue to discover myself...i know me, but really get to know me...for instance, i love leban & for all those readers out there who have no idea what that is, it is equivalent to sour cream, it is so so amazing...i think it should go on everything...my mom's leban is to die for & i cannot get enough of it...

i also believe very strongly that we are all here for a purpose & we may not realize what that purpose is as of yet...but we are here...and it may not even be for one, it may be several and you might never discover it; but somebody else may have been affected by it...do you have a purpose?

let us begin

...i first started blogging, i did it for some random reason, & then i changed to blog about my fat ass & weddings...well weddings almost happened & my ass (to my dismay) stayed the same size...

so what now, what else could i possibly spout out of my mouth...well its simple, life, not just normal everyday life, but the year of life before you start a new decade...yes i am 29 & the next number will be (for all you math genius) it is 3-0...eeek or not...

which then leads me to my next observation why not share in all my glory of being 29...of still being in my 20's & bask in all its glory...& anything goes, (so for those that are still out there), ready, set, here, we go...

hmmm....hump day ohh how i missed thee....

well....we are off to an ok start...i have stumbled a little, but i got right back up on the ole' diet bicycle (my bicycle still has training wheels, it has to support my ass)...the first 2 days i did a very good job of holding down my points...then comes up to hump day...which has a way of rearing its ugly head...but overall i did not do too bad...so here we are...the thing is i need to add in is exercise, i know i have been saying that for almost a year since i quit exercising...the first 2 weeks are the hardest...if you get into a rhythm then you feel bad (well most people feel bad when they don't stick to it)...i need to get up earlier, but with the winter, well any time i hate getting up earlier than i have to...so i need to find other solutions...& then when i get off of work, i do not feel like exercising...hey i am full of fat & excuses...hence the reason for the fatness...work in progress...:)...what you are going to do with fat kid...if you can't diet & exercise, might as well eat & be merry:)

disclaimer 4201...psyche yourself out with food, make it the enemy, do anything you can to scare yourself away from putting the donut, the cookie, the piece of candy or 2 in your mouth...above all when it comes to your mouth keep it shut, or at least almost so you can only slip small amounts in...(yes the fat kid is a thinker;)

Round 2 & in this corner....the fat bridesmaid...

weigh day (aww remember those days when we actually talked about weight)...well i am going to be honest i was down -18lbs. before the holidays, but after we had a visit from ole' father christmas and the festivities...i gained 3 lbs...which is ok b/c since i quit dieting to gain only 3 lbs. is not too bad...i actually should be doing the jig while eating a cookie or 2 (one thing is for sure a fat kid will never ever change)...so currently we are down -15.5 lbs. & now the real work begins...here are some numbers for you...

we are t-minus 5 months away from wedding 1

& t-minus about 8 months away from wedding 2...

which do you hear that loud & clear this fat ass has to fit into 2 dresses...i know you are thinking that is quite some time to lose the weight, lest i remind you who is writing this blog, it took me how long to lose 15.5 lbs...& also one other reminder or shall i say 1 word...can we say DRESSES...you know those dress makers have to allow 5 months in advance to make the damn dresses so check out the real numbers...EEEEEKKKKKK!!!!

March 1 --- dress 1 needs to be ordered & April 1 --- dress 2 needs to be ordered...so that leaves 2/3 months of diet time...not a whole lot especially when you are diet flunky...so time to hunker down (i think that i learned i picked that word up from marisa & her west virginia crew)...

well if you haven't figured it out...i am back...and hungrier than ever (literally;)

santa's schools me...

Dear Fat Ass Bridesmaid,

Just because you have to squeeze your fat ass in to a bridesmaid/maid of honor dress does not mean you get to blame me for eating cookies one damn night of the year...especially since i work my ass off making children's hearts warm and their faces shine with cheer....do you know how cold it is up here? i need the fat to keep me warm, and it doesn't hurt that mrs. claus likes a little meat on her man...what are you going to do next, blame the easter bunny for leavin' you candy in a basket...seriously, he is a poor defenseless animal...the only person you should blame is the person shoving the cake in her mouth, ohh wait that isn't me, that would be you...

...so quit f*@% complaining, run a mile, eat some salad or don't and just be happy & fat like me...either way, i never want to receive a letter from a bitter fat ass asking for money for a liposuction (cause honestly you aren't getting it anyways, i don't care how fat you are, santa is on a budget, & the children's dolls, trucks, guitars, skates, etc, are way more important than your waistline...& if you have a problem with that i will send you letters and some pictures, your tone will change fast) & especially asking me to stop eating, cause that is NEVER going to happen...

p.s...did i mention you have now moved from the fat, happy kids list to the fat, bitter, nasty list...which means not only do you get squat for christmas, but i am leavin' you the damn carrots and giving the reindeer the good shit...

Merry Freakin' Christmas!

Santa

did you miss my fat ass...

...well did you?...b/c it is hard to miss ;)

**disclaimer 732...Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Holy Fatness!!!

(it is that time of the year, "Santa is coming," so in honor of him; a letter to santa...)

Dear Santa,

I would like to thank you for being a fine specimen of human svelteness and an example to all of how to eat during this holiday season.

...we can chalk up beating fat, during this time of year, to you, the white guy who squeezes his fat ass down our chimneys and has a whole plate of cookies to himself, and gives the carrots to the reindeers who actually do all of the work, pullin the sleigh the whole damn night....hmmm santa, we follow your example and give the not so fun, healthy tasting food to the animals & we eat not just one cookie, but the whole damn plate...nice really nice...so you leave us great clothes, but guess what, ohh smart Fr. Christmas, we can't fit in them because we are FAT....which i realize it is a lot better if you are going to be fat, might as well have company, b/c i am the same way...however i can't afford to put the whole year back on my hips, so maybe this christmas, we watch the cookie intake, we can do it together, i know we can...

all i want for christmas, santa is a waistline, what can you do for me?...& if you could make it happen before i have to order wedding dresses that would be great...

sincerely,

the fat bridesmaid/maid of honor...

P.S...i actually love you Santa, but my therapist says i have a lot of pent up anger, & i told him it was a lot of pent up fat, so he said i should express it in words instead of eating my feelings, i wasn't ready to do that, so i apologize for taking it out on you, please do not hold it against me, especially when you are leaving me millions for my liposuction...with all my love....Merry Christmas!

STAY TUNED FOR SANTA'S RESPONSE....

i can't believe myself...holy fatness

*disclaimer 605...some times you are just FAT....

what else am i going to say today i feel FAT

...i have not exercised...

....i have not watched my points....

....i am just plain ole' fat...

what you think about deez post...

...& that is what i am saying today....

until "more words, less food" tomorrow...