lettin' it all go...

day 7 (so weird, kind of freaky my sister just texted me this, WOW)...

part of growing up you slowly (not always) realize that you do not have control over things & often times when it hurts the most you must let go of something or someone...there is this great story about a little girl who buys a fake set of pearls with her own money...every night her father goes to see her before bed & asks if he can have the pearls...& the little girl would do anything for her daddy but not give up the pearls...it goes for several nights & each night the dad walks away...finally the little girl sees how distraught her father is and gives up her pearls...in place her dad hands over a real pearl necklace to his little girl -- sometimes we hold on to the fake stuff, & once we let go we realize something was waiting for us that was so much better...

...God tends to do that, most often He has something waiting for us, we just don't realize it b/c we are not willing to let it go...it is probably one of the hardest things for humans (i know for me especially) is letting go, i always think what if, but maybe the what if is the letting go...He has a plan & it will work out in the way it should be...my goal for this year is letting go, a good friend of mine, told me it was time to let stuff go & basically just be...so i was saying it in my head but maybe this is the time to actually listen & do...

so in the year of 30, to letting go & letting God...bring on the real s*#@!

this is what happens when you get old...u pass out!

day 6 (i didn't forget, i had a little cocktail & took a nap)...

i am not a drinker by trade, so when i do drink i am a light weight...so usually i feel it after one drink no matter the strength of the drink...so if you know of someone looking for a cheap date (remember he has to have bank so i can volunteer for the rest of my life), give me a shout...so kidding (maybe not ;)...so after having a little sleepy mcsleep, i decided to roll out of bed & blog to all the beautiful people who read this (or the 2 who have checked it)...& tell you all the times over my numerous years where alcohol (thought running through mind--s%$#, this could go for days, pause--please direct attention back to sentence where i said cheap date, thought -- whew!) has played a significant factor...

i actually was going to have a new years resolution to drink more, then i decided i like my liver & i also prefer to go through life remembering how stupid i am...& i also remembered that i am pretty crazy sans alcohol so it wasn't a good resolution to keep :)...

liquid courage -- that it does for me, or at least when it comes to those of the opposite sex...first big drink time when i did the senior crawl from college (either i cannot remember before that or i choose not to care about them)...we all had dares that night (my sister & her friend) & i was the only to do mine...where i called a hot (not semi hot, but hot, he opened his mouth (southern accent) & i melted & his gorgeous a#*, can we say WOW) college football player & told him such or rather abridge version...i chickened out a couple of times & then a friend finished it with a voicemail (ps drunk texting was not around then, it was drunk calling, did i just date myself:)...you gettin' excited, thinkin' we dated for "x" amount of years & then he broke my heart....NOPE, he called back & that was that...i did not stand a chance but it sure was FUN!

21st birthday -- that is what you were supposed to do; i puked in the bushes & did 9 shots -- i was proud of myself...pretty good; no indiscrepancies...

few years back (ps if said events do not surround a major life event you most likely will not remember age or very specific details, especially when hittin' the ole' 30)...went to NYC (i am in love with the city, another post another time) to visit my cousin & we decided to go to the bar & have a few cocktails (beauty of NYC most of the time, don't need a designated driver); well i apparently had a few too many & gained my liquid courage & texted (it was popular then) a dear friend of mine (who i missed & semi had feelings for; don't get your panties in a wad i might tell the story) because i had not heard from him...& ask him why not this was occurring...of course no response, until the next day way late when this friend informed me how busy he was that didn't have time to talk to his parents let alone me (not the response i was looking for as well as feeling like S&*%...well sad to say we barely talk anymore...so my dear friend, my apologies & i do miss you...

recently last summer, i attended a fab wedding, & i didn't drink that much but at end of the night i felt the need (rather others did) to give me few so i did gain some courage & needless to say not one of my finer moments (more details to follow) & lastly tonight, nothing crazy (like i said light weight)...but i decided to drunk text (i think that is what the kids refer to it as now) a said friend & i shouldn't have...nothing major...& much to my dismay no response (probably better)...EXCITING stuff right?

so what do you (well ME) learn over the years, even though a sips of some bubbly are quite fun, not always your finest moments...good stories to tell the kiddos or blog about but remember the immediate ramifications will be there for the days or months to come...NOW don't get me wrong i am not saying don't EVER do it, you must live...& to live is to get tipsy every once in awhile (not sloppy, stupid drunk just a little to take the edge off); just do it responsibly by doing it in good company & handing that phone to a friend!

aren't you glad i drank, woke up & then blogged...all this helpful info!
CHEERS!

one of life's greatest pleasure is coloring...

day 5

a new box of crayons, a million sharpies, sharpened color pencils & then a beautiful coloring book with nothing between you & the pages but color...what a great way to hang out with your nieces, nephews, young cousins or yourself (no i am not weird)...have you ever sat down as an adult & colored so amazing...i will admit that when my nieces & nephews try to start coloring on my page i get a little peeved (yes i am 2 yrs old, i am owning it); if they are going to color they must do it right...in the mother flippin' lines, that s%&* is not cute when they start scribblin' all over the place & you parents/grandparents that think it is are just feedin' your kids some bull@&#%, its not...who wants to put scribbles on their fridge, sure as hell not me (don't worry i know what you are thinkin' my nieces/nephews & maybe one day my kids might need some therapy; they are going to need it more for the other crap they go through not colorin' & besides we have a counselor in the family = family discount = free)...i am keepin' it real...

now i digress, the art of coloring is to be enjoyed no matter your age, even if you are going on to 30...another thought just ran through your head, she is either on something or somebody needs to show her a good time...i am stone cold sober but i will take the good time who is buyin'?...there is just something peaceful about grabbin' a coloring book and coloring it until there is nothing left to color...and everything just looks right...could it be that within in a coloring book everything is the way you see it & you have complete control, hold the phone, way to deep, get your head out of the clouds it is coloring book & all that goes with it & it sure is f*&^(* AHH-MAZING!

get your color on no matter your age...

over the years i have worked...

day 4 (i forgot which day i was on; which i guess is a sign of old age)...

i think i shall take a minute and discuss the elements of my working ability...by trade i am in education (special & deaf)...however i decided in my 24th year i would quit the kids, might as well try to kick a bad habit (i am kidding i LOVED my students it was the other s%#@, that i could not stand; have a conversation with a teacher, you will see in the first 5 minutes, 2 seconds of the conversation what i am preachin')...i decided to adventure into the big bad world and seek a job in a not-for-profit, b/c literally i would volunteer everyday of my life (but a stupid thing called bills & money get in the way, so i shall not be looking for love but a man who has a huge wad in his pockets & adores me so i can volunteer all the time; sorry i digress)...

so i was on the hunt, looked all over, ohh wait, i probably should mention this is also the time the economy decided to tank & no one wanted to hire someone with zilch experience...so what does any self-respecting teacher do, STRIP, come on (first if you have seen me, people would pay me to put my clothes back on) & that is so not me...i decided to wait tables for my brother, cause that is what people with not 1 but 2 degrees do when the family owns a restaurant (are you envisioning my big fat greek wedding, & did i mention his name is nick; yes i know i could star in the movie, LITERALLY)...in addition to being  a lifer (which even though now i got out of the business, i sincerely miss it, cash people, at your finger tips) i also substitute taught (yes i quit teaching to go teach someone else's class, hello it was damn good money; remember rich husband not there yet)...it was great i took jobs when i wanted & then hung up when i didn't want to, hung out taught kids & at the end of the day the bull$*#^ stayed & i left...

there i was waiting tables, substitute teaching, & looking for a job (having no luck)...but i did some of the most amazing things, went on vacations without taking time off (you don't make money; but you also don't get the time back in your life), hung out with my family without worrying about time...for those years time disappeared & it was so AHH-MAZING...time being a funny thing, we jam pack so much into a day that some times we forget just how precious it is & how little of it we have...so without getting to emotional & mushy (a little late) i am glad i did it prior to 30...if you ask me, we should retire when you are younger, enjoy life, what the hell, you get old & nothing works anyways might as well work then...there was my stint of semi-retired, i contributed to society a little, so i wasn't full retired...

after my little stint in semi-retirement, i decided ok i must get back out there and start looking for other jobs, maybe even go back into teaching full time...well here is the slight issue with teaching the Deaf, either there are jobs or there are not...so i was going to move & then i decided, chocolate was my calling (or rather my Godfather had a small company that needed some one to jump in), so i travelled the 5 hours to michigan and checked it out...& ended up taking the job...it was what i needed & God knew that...he knew i was ready for a change...to leave Ohio and go some where, not too far that i couldn't touch the people i love but He knew i was ready & to also start a new adventure...so the adventure has been going on for a little over a year & there is a purpose (still figuring it out, i said i am hitting 30, not flippin' 90; i only know so much)...& i miss parts of the jobs, well more so the people...you kind don't realize it was all about the people until you don't see them anymore...& i am blessed that the people i have met thus far are pretty stellar...SO a new chapter awaits in me in the land of chocolate & michigan :)...

hold the phone, a little seriousness just happened-- it will from time to time, i am getting old, we like to reminisce about the past...here is to all the working fools, may each day always bring a new adventure or at least a good story :)...& remember take it from someone with experience, be careful with time, it is a precious gift!

ps sorry little bit obsessed with the strikethrough (way cool feature)...

& we are tryin to lose the a*% yet again, really...

day 3...(technically it is still today(1/3) in california so i did not miss a day)...

one of my resolutions is 30 before 30, no it is not 30 donuts in one setting or 30 hook ups, it would be removing the 30 rolls that surround different regions of the ole' body...i know, i know what you are thinking, well 2 things you are thinking..."we have to listen her rant & rave about food & her fat face not being able to eat it" or she is going to start this s%&# again only to not finish it & then we have to hear how fat her a*& still is"....

no for real i am doing it, this might be it you know what they say it is that much harder to lose it after you hit 30, things want to linger a little longer (wait i thought that is what they say when you hit 25, why they keep lyin')...so i am going to do it prior to 30 well at least 6 months, and i am going to be dedicated...exercise & diet (probably with the occasional i would rather exercise the REM cycle & that cookie won't hurt me, fallin' off the wagon, thank God for the 6 months kind of exercise & diet) now until the foreseeable future & hopefully by the time August 15th rolls around my a*% will be lookin' good!...

so here we go, day 1 of dieting & exercise, complete...did not too bad, must keep it going for at least 13 more days to form a routine...hold your breath the fat train is leavin'....

2nd, am i already losing it...or already in love....hmmm

day 2...

well..."they" (whoever they are, does anybody really know) say that if you do anything for 2 weeks straight you can maintain that routine of behavior...well i am two freakin' days into my new 30-ish lifestyle and i was like what the hell am i going to say today about the becoming of my gracious age...so here is day freakin' 2 of the land of 30....

i am single have been for the majority of my life...& i am quite used to it...however at this point in my life i am ready for someone to want to be with me & do things with me (mind out of gutter please); so yes mother, i am ready to venture into the land of love...actually what i truly want is someone to grow old with, who always thinks i am funny even when i am not...who loves me for me despite all that entails...who enjoys my company if we are out in public or even in the privacy of our own home...who knows all the fun & some times not so fun details about me & still wants to hold me at the end of the day...who will do the dishes or clean up the kitchen for me b/c he knows i am too tired to do it...who looks at me at any age & thinks how did i get so lucky & how did my wife get so beautiful...who will hold me tight & is also willing to let me go too...who knows that i am someone who they cannot live with but who also they cannot live without...who challenges me each & everyday to be the best me...who knows that i am their soulmate & is willing to fight for me no matter what & knows that i am their everything...

i want the fairytale....i am a hopeful romantic...i believe that love is a risk but if you are willing to take that risk it can be the greatest adventure of your life, especially when you are with the person you are supposed to be with...

so i know you are looking for (or maybe not) the juicy details, rather my track record, as i will not indulge it all once (hell we have 364 days left & there aren't too many stories, i have to save somethin') but i will let you know i am hot "freakin' mess when it comes to relationships...i can tell anyone, anything but when it comes to my heart i completely shrivel up into a pile of nothin'...i don't know why, but the words can barely come out of my mouth & most of the time i super over think (think annoying girl who doesn't leave guy alone) every action i do...then in the end i usually turn my emotions off or drive people (the boys i like) away...whose ready for a diagnosis??  maybe not that but maybe just maybe in the year of 30, i say what i mean no matter what could happen, & maybe just maybe this year i get him...we shall see, more to come (i know i just ended it like that; so you have to come back tomorrow b/c i could add more; hmmmm...)

to love in 2012, the year of 30!

here we go again...& the resolutions of what could be...

intro...to the many days o'30...
&...day 1


as the first official day of 2012...we all think about the ways to improve upon our lives in the upcoming year...1/2 of which end up not coming true because our human nature gives up or rather our lack of will power...then we vow that the next year will be different...so what makes this year different for me & my so called resolution...


well i am turning 30...so i have many resolutions...one of which is blogging everyday, 365 of the many days of me and my 30ness...some of which will be about the days passed, others about the days of now, and then of course those that follow the turning of the gracious age...


so brace yourself...it is going to be a whole lot of me & how i approach the next decade and chapter in my life...


2012 resolutions...which of course you will either hear more about or rather not hear another damn word b/c it failed miserably;)...i think i am going for 10 hoping to aim for accomplishing 1/2...hell if i get more than that i already doing better that i initially thought...


1.  a little blog time, or at least 365 days of it...
2.  30 by 30, by my actual birthday, my ass must be 30 lbs. less than it is that current time frame...
3. along with shrinking the size of the ass & the hips, i will be exercising more, a little bit of walkin' & maybe some yoga; this is a plan in the very early stages...
4.  i must learn how to drink black coffee & wine, i am going to be 30 & it is time to step up the sophistication game :)
5.  letting things go...there is so much that consumes are life, some we can fix others that we just need to walk away & let go...
6.  read more, you will also benefit from this, b/c it could improve the way i write or i will have better stories to tell (i would bet on the latter of this statement)
7.  meet people in the city i live in...its about time i have been there over a year...
8.  cherish every moment (ps. 90:12)
9.  faith & keeping it, holding on to it, it is the essence of who & what we are & without what else is there... 
10.  professional goals...success, which i define as a growth--for my current job, to work towards becoming an interpreter, & write, keep writing until its finished & (maybe put myself out there)...


ok some make sense, some don't, and most of them will unfold and be explained over the next 365 days...here we go, & happy 2012!